Corporate Survivor's Guilt: How to Support Someone When They've Been Laid Off
Showing Up For A Friend After a Layoff (Without the Awkwardness)
After two years of rolling layoffs, my time came in December 2024. I logged on to the dreaded last-minute, 15-minute 1-on-1 with my new boss on my calendar. I half-listened while he read the corporate script, while texting my mom, team, and friends: “I’m being laid off—right now.” The responses I got from people ran the gamut, from “WTF” to “you’re so lucky” to “I’m so sorry.” No one knows what to say or do, especially if they’ve never been laid off themselves.
So, what can you do?
“Empathy is connection…Empathy doesn’t require that we have the exact same experiences as the person sharing their story.”
- Brené Brown, “Daring Greatly”
Brené Brown always seems to have the right words, doesn’t she? This quote is the perfect reminder for those in Corporate America who experience “Corporate Survivor’s Guilt,” aka surviving a layoff. Layoffs suck no matter what side of them you’re on, but there’s an acknowledgement among the not-impacted that those friends and colleagues who were impacted have had their worlds completely rocked.
If you haven’t been impacted by a layoff yourself, there’s a hesitation—do I reach out? If I do, what do I say? I obviously feel sorry, but I feel guilty that I still have a job…what if what they want is space?
So, how do you actually show up for others, without adding to their stress?
1. Remember, empathy is about connection, not experience.
You don’t have to have experienced a layoff; you just have to connect with the emotion they’re experiencing. We’ve all experienced loss, shame, hurt, and confusion. You can’t guess their exact emotion, but you’ve felt something like it before: shock, uncertainty, shame.
2. Check in. Often.
Even a simple “how are you doing,” or “just saying hi,” or “thinking of you” helps. One day you’re triple-booked, the next day there’s an empty calendar. It’s daunting, so don't underestimate the power of a simple "no need to respond, just letting you know you're on my mind." Keep it up in the coming weeks, as the check-ins peter off after a week or so. Be the person who sends a "Hi, how are you doing?" text two months later.
3. Be there to listen, not to guide.
The first few weeks are a roller coaster of emotions, and being someone who is there to listen or help someone process is immensely valuable. People rush in with fixes, but week one is mush—your friend doesn’t even know what ‘help’ means yet. Having people you can talk to and word vomit as you process and figure things out, without having to “ask” them to do something specific for you, is nice.
4. Follow their lead.
Don't say "you'll be better off" or “something better is coming." They’ll get to that point, but you don’t want to say that until they are there and ready to hear that. The first week is just a gut punch; you want to wallow and mourn. Let them. Follow their lead. “Oh, that sounds rough. I’m here if you need to vent.”
5. Connect them with others who have been laid off and who are doing great.
Talking to friends who had been laid off before was a HUGE help for me. It’s nice to see people thriving and in a place where you don’t think you’ll ever be, but will be. I wrote about my own layoff experience and what helped me through it, so I could share it with others for this reason.
That day in December, friends called. Some FaceTimed weekly, just saying hi and checking in. An old boss gave me confidence in my skills. Former colleagues opened their networks. My team sent me Levain cookies and Bon Bon candy (you know what they say about a spoonful of sugar!). Be the person who shows up, and you’ll be remembered.
If you’ve been laid off before, how did someone help you?